Disposable Teens
by goth-junkie
Summary: (used to be The Dope Show)modern day outsiders. this is my first fanfic lol, please rr! umm i don't really know what to put in this and so yeah, just check it out for yourself! :)
1. Chapter One: The Bus

"_**It's hard to believe, **_

_**Life will be ok,**_

_**Look at your face, **_

_**Scarred in dis-"**_

"What the fuck!" I shouted. I felt a light tap on my shoulder that sent me flying about twenty feet into the air. I whirled around to see Two-Bit.

"Whoa, Jack, chill out it's me...I've never heard you sing, you've got a pretty voice." He said, cracking that stupid grin of his.

I scowled at him in mock anger, "you scared the living shit out of me!"

"What were you listening to anyway?" he asked quietly, tapping the roof to my c.d. player. My headphones were wrapped around my neck now.

"Kittie, some of their earlier stuff from their c.d. 'Spit'."

He sat down beside me. "Badass, what song?"

"Brackish."

"Niiice." He replied with a grin on his face. "You know I could hear that from the sidewalk?" he added quietly.

I grinned, "That was the point. I was planning to have all of Tulsa enjoying Kittie by the end of the day." I hugged the sleeves of my hoodie to my arm. That hoodie was my security in a way. It was black with the Slipknot 'S' on the right sleeve then on the front of it; there was a picture of the band. I wore it a lot. "I gotta split, I'll see ya around." I said, standing up, placing my headphones over my ears, putting up my hood and walking away.

I believe this calls for an introduction...my name is Jackson but a lot of people call me either Jack or Genocide. I've got waist length hair that's dyed an almost blood red with two black streaks in the front with white streaks thru the rest of it, with blue eyes that have flecks of gray in them. I'm really pale because of my allergy to the sun and wore nothing but black, red, gray or navy blue.

My mom left when I was two and so I lived with my dad who hardly knew I was alive. Unless that is, he had a bad day at work where he would scream at my siblings and me and call us names. For some sick, twisted reason, I actually _liked_ being belittled by my dad. It gave me someone to prove wrong and someone to hate besides Preps. I also have an older set of brother and sister; they're twins and a younger sister who was four. You'll meet them later I guess.

People left me alone pretty well in school. I was pretty happy about that too because even though I didn't show it, they scared me. The Preps would throw insults at me as I walked down the hallways but that was only normal. I put on a tough front though, so they couldn't target my weaknesses. How could they hurt me if they didn't know what was going on in my head? It seemed reasonable enough. I'd always had an odd obsession with death and violence that the school counselor had said 'was very healthy but should be expressed in a more constructive way'. Can we say bullshit?! I had six friends altogether. You'll meet them later. They're names are Two-Bit, Dally, Ponyboy, Darry, Soda and Steve.

Anyways, back to the story...after I left was walking down the streets, still blaring my music in my ears and watching the cars go by. The streets were pretty empty that night, mainly because it was a weeknight and there weren't any parties around on weeknights. I walked along, my eyes never leaving my shoes. That is until I bumped into someone. I paused my music on reflex

"Dude watch it!" he shouted.

I looked up at him, "sorry." I muttered, turned, pressed play on my c.d. player and continued walking. I sang the lyrics to the songs in my head, keeping an eye out for pedestrians so I wouldn't run into any more people that day. I opened the door to my house and slammed it shut. "Dad! Home!" I shouted.

"I'm aware of that!" he retorted and went back to watching the news.

I gave him the finger as I walked by...it's not like he saw me anyway. I walked into my room and flopped down on my bed. I was thinking about the remake of Salem's Lot that had played earlier that afternoon and couldn't help but repeat to myself, "If you can't find

em grind em." I fell asleep right there and awoke to my alarm clock screaming at me to wake up (not literally). I hopped up and jumped in the shower and got ready, just in time to grab my book bag and bolt out the door to meet the bus. I hopped on and took my seat in the way back where I could have my privacy. We stopped at another house about five minutes later and a boy named Johnny Cade got on. He was a small boy with jet-black hair and scared brown eyes. He had a scar on his cheek where he'd been beaten up before and no one really thought much of him and his family. That's all I really knew about him up until the bus ride.

There were no empty seats left accept for the one I sat in. he walked to the back and kind of stood there for a minute. I looked up from my book and grinned, "I'm not gonna bite you ya know." I said quietly. He grinned slightly and took his seat. It was right about then that I noticed the black eye he had. "Pretty nice shiner ya got goin' there...how'd it happen?" I asked.

He rubbed it carefully and said, "I was cornered down at the lot." His voice was quiet and it squeaked slightly. A lot of people filed him under Goth too. He wore a lot of black, hoodies and would often drown out the sound of teacher's lessons with music. So we had a lot to talk about. He cleared his throat.

"So, what kind of music do you like?" I asked. He grinned, reached one of the pockets in his book bag, brought out a c.d. player and opened it. The newest Slipknot c.d. was in there. I chuckled slightly, "you lucky bastard."

He laughed softly, I couldn't seem to get over how soft his voice was. Most guys our age were loud and obnoxious. "What about you?"

"Same kind as you" I replied shrugging. I rubbed my eyes, "it is too early to be out and about." I whined bitterly.

He nodded and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. "What's your name?"

I smacked my head, "oops! Sorry dude, I'm Jackson. But my family calls me Jack, or Genocide."

His mouth curved into a small grin, "I'm Johnny."

"Aren't you in Mrs. Pratt's English class for fifth period? I think I've seen you there." I asked, pointing to him and then straightening out my pant leg.

"Uh, yeah, I sit in the back though." He replied.

"Yeah same here, but she still _insists_ on having me read and answer questions when she _knows_ I don't pay attention. I sit back there just to be invisible, can she not see that?" I said heatedly. I was trying to get the kid to talk but he wasn't taking the bait.

He nodded feverishly. He didn't seem like he talked very much. But he did mutter "fuckin' sucks."

"Yep, I swear man, the world's out to get us."

The bus came to a halt at the school and Johnny and I stood up to get off. "If you want you can have lunch with me and my friends, I don't think they'd mind." I said quietly.

He shrugged, he seemed kind of uneasy about it, like we were going to get some dirt on him and like, make fun of him about it or something, the he mumbled, "ok."

I barged my way thru the crowd, cranky because it was too early. I hated the first day of school! I wasn't usually this loud but I was miserable and I wanted everyone else to be miserable too!

: LATER AT LUNCH THAT DAY:

I was scoping around the cafeteria looking for Johnny, when I saw him I jogged over, "Hey." I said quietly.

The blonde he was with eyed me skeptically, "can we help you with something?" he snapped.

"Yeah I told Johnny he could have lunch with me and a couple friends, you can come too if you want." I replied slowly. He looked kind of pissy and I didn't want to rub him the wrong way.

"Whattaya think Johnnycake?" he said, looking at Johnny.

He shrugged, "sure."

"What's your name?"

"Jackson, but call me either Jack of Genocide. You?"

"Dallas."

"Lets go then."

As we walked out in the parking lot we saw Two-Bit, Soda, Ponyboy, and Steve in Two-Bit's car. "Aren't you the one they found unconscious in the girls' room last year?" Dally asked as we approached the car.

I shrugged, "yeah."

"Why?"

I blushed, "I was huffin'" I replied, acting like it didn't matter but, that was what caused me to stop, it scared the shit out of me.

"What were you huffing?" Dally asked.

_Well he's just full of questions now isn't he!_ I thought bitterly, "Butane."

"HEY JACK!" Soda shouted happily when he saw us coming, "who's your friends?"

I waved at him and turned to Johnny and Dally, "This is Johnny Cade, and this is Dallas." I said motioning to them. They both waved, kind of skeptical.

"Hey!" Soda said cheerfully, "I'm Soda."

We sat in the car and hung out while Ponyboy, Two Bit and Soda ate lunch. We all got acquainted and started chatting. They were still sketchy about each other but it was going well for the time being.


	2. Chapter Two: Lunch

Just for future reference I own Jackson and her family as well as a few preps.

Ale Curtis-Carter: thanks for your support! I appreciate it!

Elvin-Goddess-Roiben: and that goes for you too! Thanks for the support! Keep reviewing and I'll keep updating.

"Jack are you going to the coliseum tonight?" Ponyboy asked, looking up from his book.

I grinned, "hell yeah man, the STD Queens are playing! I wouldn't miss that!" I replied excitedly.

"The what?" Dally said with a confused look on his face. "STD what?"

"The STD Queens which is short for Scar Tank Death Queens. They're a local band and they kick ass, it's an all chick band and they know how to rock it! Seriously, I hope they go into Wall Of Death tonight!"

"Wall Of Death?"

"Yeah, it's where people separate on opposite sides of the coliseum and when Sarah starts singing we all run at each other and start moshing. It's great!"

"I don't get the point of moshing." Two Bit blurted out. "I mean seriously, you just end up getting the shit beaten out of you." He added bitterly.

"That's because the last time you went in a mosh pit you fell down and got your face stomped in by whom? Me." Ponyboy said laughing.

I snorted, "yeah, but you gotta give him some credit, he was trashed." By this time I was fondling the fringe that was around the hole in the knee of my jeans.

"Where are you gonna be after school?" Steve asked, kicking back in the car.

As though it were on cue and announcement came over the intercom, "All high school detentions will be held in room 234."

I smirked, "room 234"

Ponyboy rolled his eyes, "what'd you do this time?"

I smirked again, "remember the whole curdled milk thing?" He nodded. "Yeah they figured out who did that."

Dally burst out laughing, "That was _you?"_ I nodded proudly, he held out his hand, "ever since I heard about that I wanted to do this..." I took his hand and he shook it, "nice work." He added calmly.

This needs a bit of explanation, you see, a week prior to all this I took a gallon of curdled milk and snuck into the school and threw it all over the wall with all the staff's pictures and names on it and then wrote 'FUCK AUTHORITY' on the wall in permanent black marker.

"Yeah, that little stunt cost me three days' suspension and a week of detention." I said quietly, leaning against the windshield of the car and crossing my legs. "But it was worth It." I added with a half grin on my face.

Two-Bit clapped me on the shoulder, "yeah and you stole my idea!" he grimaced.

I reached into my book bag and pulled out a can of Monster and a zip-loc baggie of Krack-a-Laid. It was one of my own inventions, Krack-a-Laid was a packet of Kool-Aid mix, a cup of sugar, four bags of pop rocks and seven big, fat Pixie Sticks. I know it sounds gross but I had Spanish next and I needed to get my sugar high on and it wasn't all that bad.

"What's that?" Johnny asked, poking at the Krack-a-Laid.

I smiled, "my own little invention. It's called Krack-a-Laid, it's a sugar high in a bag and when eaten with this..." I shook my can of Monster, "it can get messy, but I've got Spanish next and if I like to make Senorita Bell think I'm really coked out in her class otherwise it's just not fun." I replied, taking a swig of my energy drink.

Ponyboy reached his hand into the zip-loc bag and took a pinch of Krack-a-Laid, laid his head back and sprinkled it into his mouth. "Jacki here is a genius."

I punched his arm, "my name isn't Jacki! It's Jack!" I snapped.

Two Bit smirked, "really cause I thought it was _Jackson_."

I scowled at him, "it's not it's Jack, goddamn is that so hard for you to understand!" I shouted, actually getting frustrated at this, they knew how to push my buttons and they loved to whenever they could. I hated it.

Johnny and Dally had these smiles on their faces like they had no idea what was going on but liked what they saw. I could tell from then on that I would be hanging around them a lot more often.

The bell rang and we all reluctantly walked into the building. I stopped at my locker and got my stuff for Spanish. I took my time getting for class and walked in just as the bell rang.

"You're lucky Jackson." Senorita Bell reproached me gravely.

I nodded boredly, walked to my seat and dropped my books on my desk. I saw David Snyder a prep that I went to school with out of the corner of my eye and he saw me. I raised my hand. "Puedo ir al bano?" I asked. We had to ask questions and such in Spanish.

"Jackson, you just came out of lunch you should've gone to the bathroom then." Senorita Bell scolded.

"Yeah but it's an emergency." I said quickly, squirming around in my chair and faking a pained expression on my face. I figured I could fake her out. I needed to get out of that class.

She waved me off; I grabbed the pass as I walked out the door. David creeped me out, I didn't like the way he looked at me. He was one of the assholes that hung out with my brother. I didn't like him to begin with but he always looked at me like a fat kid that hasn't eaten in three days looks at a slice of pizza. It was kind of weird.


	3. Chapter Three: Band Night

**(Johnny's P.O.V)**

Jack approached me on the bus on the way home, "are you gonna come to The Coliseum tonight?" she asked, taking a seat beside me.

I shrugged, "I dunno, I don't even know where it is."

"Yeah, I've got an idea about that. You can stop by my house and you can come with me and the other guys if you wanna come. It'll be fun, you should think about it." she told me.

I nodded, "I guess."

"Ok, I live on 14 Finch Street. If you can be over there by around eight." She instructed.

I nodded, "it's a date." And right then the bus pulled over at my stop and I got off.

**(Jackson's P.O.V)**

"Jenna!" I shouted as I stomped thru the hallways of our house, "Jenna where's my eyeliner!" I finally got to her room and pounded on her door, "JENNA!"

Her door flew open, "WHAT!" she screamed at me.

"Where is my eyeliner? I'm going to The Coliseum tonight and I have to get ready to mosh." I replied, crossing my arms.

"I don't know where your eyeliner is!" she snapped and was going to close the door in my face when I put my hand in the way and pushed so it would close.

"You used it this morning." I stated, "_Where_ _did you put it?_"

She stomped out of her room and into the bathroom, opened a drawer, pulled out my eyeliner, whipped it at me and stomped back into her room.

"God I hate siblings!" I muttered to myself as I walked into my room, slamming the door. I opened my closet and dug out my black shirt that said in red writing "You make me want to kill babies" and a black pair of jeans. I took the cap off my eyeliner and opened my compact and started doing my eyeliner. Once I was done doing my make up I started undressing so I could put my other change of clothes on. I had my pants and bra on when Johnny walked thru my door.

"HAIL MARY!" he screamed in shock

"GAHHHH!"

My door slammed shut and I hurriedly put on my shirt.

**(Johnny's P.O.V)**

I got to Jackson's house at about quarter to eight and knocked on the door. Someone I guessed to be her big brother answered the door. "Is Jackson here?" I asked quietly.

He had a bagel in his left hand, "yep, she's in her room. Just go right in...uh, down that hallway, third door to your right." He replied, letting me in.

I followed his directions and opened the door to see her standing there in a pair of jeans and a bra.

"HAIL MARY!" I bellowed.

"GAHHHH she screamed.

I slammed the door and stood outside it until she yelled for me that it was ok to go in. She looked nice; she had on a black t-shirt that said in red, smeared lettering "You make me want to kill babies" and black jeans that flared out at the knee. Her make up was done like it had been earlier and her hair was down with the white streaks braided.

She was blushing madly and I knew I was too. "Sorry about that." I muttered.

She started laughing, "Naw, it's ok. I'm just glad I had my bra on." She replied.

I smiled, "yeah."

"So, you ready?" she asked, putting on a pair of black converse. I nodded, "come on then." She led me out of her house and we walked back toward my house. We walked past an old lot and further down the street past my house. We approached a house, walked up the walk, stepped up on the porch and just walked into the house, "hey shitheads let's go!" she hollered as she walked into the house.

**(Jackson's P.O.V)**

I walked into the house with Johnny behind me and hollered for them to hurry up. Darry came out of the kitchen and saw me. "DARRY!" I shouted as I walked up to him to give him a hug, "long time no see man, how ya been doin'?" I added after I pulled away.

"Ah you know, same ole same ole. Been takin' care of these guys and workin' all the time." He replied.

Ponyboy came out of the bathroom with his hair gelled back, "hey Jack, hey Johnny." He said quietly.

"Hey Pon, where's Soda? He _is_ our ride." I asked.

"He's comin'." He walked up to their bedroom door and pounded on it, "yo Soda let's go! We're gonna miss Free Beer!" he shouted.

Johnny tapped my shoulder, "they're serving alcohol there?" he asked me quietly.

"What? Oh, no Free Beer is another band. Sorry, forgot to explain that to ya." I replied. It amazed me how the more I hung out with Two Bit the more scatterbrained I got.

Soda walked out of the room in a Taking Back Sunday shirt and a pair of baggy jeans that just barely showed the ends of his black and white Etnies. "Hey Jack, Johnny." He said happily as he ran into the kitchen and came back with a can of Mountain Dew: Pitch Black.

"Aww!" I said. I grabbed the can from him and chugged as much as I possibly could before he snatched it away. "I _love_ that stuff!"

"Then get your own damn can!" he snapped good-naturedly. "This one's mine." He lifted the can to his lips, tilted his head back and chugged the whole can.

I walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a can of the purple Mountain Dew and walked back into where we were standing. "Oh yeah! Darry this is Johnny, Johnny, this is Pony's and Soda's big brother Darry." I said, smacking myself in the head. "I really need to quit hangin' out with Two Bit, he's _really_ startin' to rub off on me!" I said more to myself than anyone else.

Darry smiled and turned to Pony and Soda, "I want you guys home by midnight." He told them, pointing at them to let them know that he meant business.

Soda waved at him absently, "yeah, yeah, yeah, ruins all our good fun just because he can't have any!" he said and then stuck his tongue out at him.

I stifled a giggle and Darry grinned. Pony was getting antsy, I could tell from the way he kept shifting his weight from one foot to the next. It was a track thing I figured, "can we go now! I really don't want to miss Free Beer!" he asked, getting a little annoyed.

"Yeah let's go! I wanna get into a really good moshpit tonight!" I said, getting excited.

Darry turned and pointed to me, "I don't want you killing anyone tonight, be careful, if we've gotta run you to the hospi-"

"Darry, chill out, the only reason you had to run me to the ER last time was because I fell down, got my head stomped and my dad wasn't home. I usually don't fall down during these things but when you get shoved into one and get plowed over by an amateur then it's kinda out of your hands." I interrupted; my voice was dripping with sarcasm.

He just gave me a warning glance and waved us off. We all went outside to the truck, jumped in and Soda practically floored it all the way to The Coliseum. We went in thru the side for free because the guy that ran the place was my uncle and he was always sneaking us in. _especially _on band night. The Coliseum was alive with punks and Goths. Usually it was a meeting place for preps that had nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday nights but on band nights, we _owned_ it. There were no preps within the next five miles. Band night was a night full of moshing and loud music that no prep could stand. Band night was a night of freedom.


	4. Chapter Four: Mosh Pit

We walked into The Coliseum like we owned the place well accept Johnny. He seemed kind of afraid of the huge crowd. I slung my arm around his shoulder and walked with him. The bands were getting set up on the rink and they were blasting System of a Down. Soda's head was bobbing up and down to the beat of the music and Ponyboy had ventured over to see one of the people on his track team.

"Hey Genocide!" someone off to my left shouted. I turned to see who it was. It was Curly Shepherd. He only knew me by my nickname and I was fine with that, "you gonna mosh tonight?" he asked.

I stomped my foot, "hell yeah I'm gonna mosh! I'm gonna tear this shit up!" I shouted in reply. Johnny stood there. I put my arm back around his shoulder and muttered, "idiot."

"Me?" he asked.

I laughed, "no, Shepherd over there, none of those brothers are exactly the sharpest spoon in the drawer but Curly is a raving dumbass." I replied. "He always asks that when I come to these things when he knows the answer." I rolled my eyes, "oh hey the bands are starting! Come on!" I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him up front.

Ponyboy and Soda soon joined us. I held up my pointer finger and hooked it, waving it back and forth screaming "FREE BEER, FREE BEER, FREE BEER!" other people joined once the band members had taken their places on the rink. No one really started moshing until the STD Queens started playing because if we didn't then Sarah, the lead singer would yell at us. I know that sounds funny but it was true. **(A.N. This is actually what happens when a local band where I live does a show and no one moshes or they don't mosh ENOUGH...you'll find out in a minute.)**

Once the music started we all stopped and listened to the music. We all still had our pointer fingers hooked and were head banging to the music. Free Beer was a good punk band. None of that poser shit that they play on MTV all the time. No, these guys were good. They _were_ their music and they didn't play it is they didn't feel it. Darry went to school with three of the five members and they hung out every once in awhile.

After four or five songs they were done and the STD Queens had to get set up so they were back to playing music on the stereo. "So how you likin' this so far?" I asked Johnny as we were all walking around.

He looked around him, "this is really badass." He said.

I looked at my watch, "hey I'm gonna go have a smoke in the smoke room." I said quietly.

"Oh sweet can I bum one off of you?" he asked. I nodded and led him to the smoke room; I opened the door and led him in. There were a few other people in there and I sat down on a bench and lit my cigarette. Johnny followed suite. We sat there in silence and smoked our cigarettes.

"Hey I think I hear the band starting, let's go." I said after I finished my cigarette. Johnny nodded and I led him back out to the rink. There was something about him that just _drew_ him to me. I don't know it was weird. Sure enough, the STD Queens were approaching their instruments as Johnny and I dashed right beside the speakers where Ponyboy and Soda were.

"Hey pussies!" Sarah, the lead singer screamed at us. I flipped her off and she returned the gesture. "We want serious fucking moshing tonight! None of that pussy shoving each other around, that doesn't make us happy at all!" she screamed. "Are you gonna mosh!?" she bellowed.

"Fuck yeah!" someone in the back screamed.

"What's that?" she screamed.

"FUCK YEAH!" the crowd screamed in unison.

Within seconds they were playing the first song for the show. Immediately people started moshing. I elbowed Soda hard in the ribs, "I gotta check this shit I'll be back later!" I shouted over the music and walked toward the mosh pit. I shoved the first guy I could find and was shoved into a speaker. The corner of it hit me in the hip. I ran into the mosh pit again and started shoving and pushing and kicking. It was grand. I wasn't looking where I was going or swinging and before I knew it a fist collided with the side of someone's face. I looked up at a stunned Steve.

"WOAH, WOAH, WOAH!" he bellowed, everyone stopped, "WE'VE GOT A GIRL IN HERE GUYS WE'VE GOTTA BE CAREFUL!" He shouted.

I grabbed Steve by the arm and dragged him out of the mosh pit, "you asshole!" I screamed at him, "what gives you the right!" I added indignantly.

"You punched me," he said smugly.

I pushed him into a huge guy and started moshing again. Only this time I wasn't moshing. I was fighting. Before I knew it someone had me around the waist and was dragging me out of the mosh pit. I glared back at one of the technicians. "Too violent!" he shouted at me over the music.

"It's a fucking mosh pit!" I screamed at him. And shoved my way thru the crowd to Johnny, Ponyboy and Soda. I tapped Johnny on the shoulder to ask him to move over a little bit, he whirled around and at that moment I was shoved into him. I kissed him quickly and then my better judgment got to me. _**What the fuck!**_ I thought, _**I just met this kid! Goddamn hormones!**_ My face got really hot and Johnny moved aside. He was blushing too.

Soda turned to me when I stepped beside him, "what're you doin' back so soon?" he asked, his eyebrows raised.

I smirked at him, "got kicked out...too violent." I replied and flipped off Sarah again. That's what she wanted. She didn't want horns she wanted the finger. She once again returned the gesture and went back to singing their song "Pull the Trigger".

**This is all I've got for now...enjoy. ooh and how'd you like the kiss huh? huh? lol dun dun DUNNNNN lol**


	5. Chapter Five: Coffee and Tickles

**(Johnny's P.O.V)**

I was standing next to the speakers listening to the STD Queens when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I jumped and turned around to see a flash of Jackson and then she was shoved into me. She looked up; her cheeks were getting red and her lips brushed against mine. About two seconds later she jerked back and turned about fifty shades of red and then smiled weakly. I moved over a little so she could stand between Soda and I. They started talking but I didn't hear them. My head was spinning slightly, I had just met her and she kissed me! I mean I liked her...a lot! But it was a shock. I don't think it was supposed to happen but I was glad it did. I smiled widely.

**(Soda's P.O.V)**

Jack was acting funny. I figured she was just mad about being kicked out of a mosh pit. I gave Sarah the finger and continued listening to the music. For the next five hours Jackson was in and out of mosh pits. Pony, Johnny and I stayed by the speakers and after the concert was over we all walked out with our ears ringing and grins on our faces.

"That was probably the best show of theirs that I've ever seen!" Jack exclaimed.

Johnny nodded.

"Yeah I know right, it was great!" I said happily as we piled into the car. "

Jack lit a cigarette and handed it to Johnny, then did the same for Pony and then herself. Darry didn't like Pony smoking but we always let him. We'd promised not to narc and he knew we wouldn't. I drove slowly so he could smoke his cigarette.

Johnny was humming the tune to their song "Cut Me Deep"

I laughed, "Good band huh?" I asked him.

"Yeah." He said quietly and took a drag from his cigarette.

**(Ponyboy's P.O.V)**

Jack handed me a lit cigarette and I smoked it as fast as I could. Soda explained to Johnny what was up with Darry not liking me smoking and he promised he wouldn't tell.

"Soda you can drop me off here." Jack said quietly as we approached her house.

"Your dad home?" he asked cautiously.

"I don't know, that's why you can drop me off here." She replied.

"OK." Soda stopped the car and let her out. She hopped out of the car, flicked her cigarette away and started walking.

"What's wrong with her dad?" Johnny asked almost like he was afraid.

"He's a dick, treats her, her sisters, and brother like shit. Puts 'em down constantly. When he catches her with us she always gets bitched at. If he thinks she just went to the concert alone then she'll be ok but if he found out that we were with her then he'd yell at her because supposedly we're 'troublemakers'. I swear if this guy got any dumber he'd have to be watered twice a week!" Soda answered, his voice was dark and bitter. He didn't get mad like that often, but he _really_ didn't like Jack's dad.

"Oh." He said quietly, flicking his cigarette out the window.

"So where do you live?" I asked, finishing up my cigarette as well.

"By the lot."

"Alright, we can drop you off." Soda said, as he pulled onto our street and drove to the house that Johnny pointed to. There were people yelling from inside the house. It sounded like that place was a war zone! Man, it was bad!

Johnny blushed and got out of the car, "thanks for the ride." He said quietly as he shut the door and walked away.

**(Jack's P.O.V)**

When Soda dropped me off I flicked my cigarette away and started walking down the street toward my house. I approached my door, opened it slowly and closed it quietly, I knew Alicia, my little sister was asleep and I didn't want to wake her up. It was around midnight and I knew everyone else was asleep too, so I went in the bathroom and took a shower, then put my pajamas on and went to bed.

"Jack wake your lazy ass up!" Jenna scolded as she shook me.

"Go away!" I grumbled.

"No, you've got company!"

"I'm dead."

"I've already told them you were breathing now get up!"

I sighed angrily and pushed the covers off of me, walked down the stairs, into the kitchen, poured myself a cup of straight, black coffee and walked into the living room where Pony, Soda, Johnny, Two-Bit and Steve were waiting.

"Hey." They all greeted in unison.

I glanced at the clock, two-thirteen, "mornin'" and took a swig of my coffee.

"Nice pajamas." Two-Bit cracked.

I looked down; I was still in my Jack Skellington pajama pants and my purple t-shirt. "I know right." I replied and sat down on the loveseat next to Steve. I yawned, "Oh shit, I need energy." I muttered.

"What are you drinking?" Pony asked.

"Coffee." He grimaced, "hey now! I'm no good till my first cup!" I scolded in mock anger.

"How was the concert?" Two-Bit asked boredly, staring at the family portrait that hung on our wall.

"It rocked. One of their best." Soda said, "oh yeah, Jack, why were you actin' so weird after you got kicked out of the mosh pit?" he added curiously.

I swallowed hard, I glanced quickly over at Johnny who was blushing slightly, "I was just mad. I was having fun." I shot a death-glare at Steve and punched him in the arm, "and it's all jackass here's fault!"

He rubbed his arm, "what the hell did I do?"

"You got me all fired up because I accidentally punched you so instead of moshing I was throwing punches, if you hadn't of dragged me out of there I wouldn't have gotten kicked out in the first place!" I replied indignantly. Then I muttered under my breath, "cocky bastard."

"Hey what's this?" Two-Bit asked pulling out a sheet of paper. It was a poem I'd written a while ago.

"Bit man, don't read that." I pleaded.

He stood up and cleared his throat,

"To My Mother-"

"Two-Bit, don't read it!"

"_Hey mom, _

_It's Jackson._

_Haven't seen you in awhile,_

_And I was just wondering,_

_Because it's been awhile._

_Why did you leave?_

_Us all alone. _

_I've haven't heard your voice,_

_Not even on the phone-"_

"Two Bit!"

He cracked a grin; I felt my cheeks turning red.

"_Dad and everyone,_

_We're doing ok._

_But I wanted to know,_

_Why didn't you stay?_

_I don't even know you._

_But I still miss you._

_You're my mom._

_And you left when I was two. _

_I just wanted to know,_

_What did I do?_

_I found a picture,_

_Of you Wednesday,_

_And I thought you might wanna know,_

_I turned fifteen today._

_I miss you mom,_

_And I want you back._

_We need you around._

_It's your presence we lack."_'

I was massaging my temples angrily, trying to keep myself from knocking out Two-Bit's front teeth.

"That's really good." Ponyboy said quietly.

"Yeah." Johnny said. "What happened to your mom?" he added thoughtfully.

"She left." I replied bitterly.

"Why didn't you tell us you missed her? We could've done something fun." Soda said. All their faces looked sad.

"Because there's just some things I want to go thru alone. She left when I was two, I can't even remember her, all I know is I look like her and she walked out. It was my birthday and I was missing her so I wrote it. It's no big deal." I snapped at them. Pony looked at his shoes quietly. Johnny's eyes got big and Soda, Two Bit and Steve just stared at me. "It's nothing to cry over ok? I'm fine, it was just my way to let her know I missed her whether she knows it or not." I added.

"Ok, you're weird." Two Bit said with that goofy grin on his face.

"Well that's the pot calling the kettle black _Keith Matthews_!" I said with a smile.

He gasped and put his hand to his chest, "ok, that's it, you're goin' down!" he screamed and jumped on me and started tickling me.

"Haha-quit! Jackass! Feel my SQUIRRELY-Haha! WRATH! Stop! EEEEE!" I screamed, trying to squirm out from underneath him. By this time Soda had jumped in too, he had a hold of my kicking feet and was tickling them furiously while I tried to kick him in the face. "Ahh!"

"Holler uncle!" Two Bit shouted over my screams.

"Go to hell!"

"Well, you've sealed your fate!" he said and started tickling me even more, "Tickle Jackson!" he screamed and at that Pony and Steve had jumped in too. "Holler uncle and we can make it stop!" he shouted over my laughter.

"NEVER!"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Ouch!" Soda screamed after I finally kicked him in the face, "hey that hurt!"

"Well then get off of me!"

"Nope, not until you say uncle."

"No! Never! HAHA! Stop!" I shrilled, and squirmed around, flailing around like a fish out of water.

My hand wriggled free and I grabbed Two-Bit's hair and pulled. "OUCH! Not the hair!" he shouted, his hand moving up to my wrist.

"Get off then!" I screamed. I yanked once again on his hair and he jumped off. Everyone else stopped and I lay weakly on the floor, still laughing. Johnny was still on the couch, looking at this peculiar scene in front of him with a huge grin on his face. My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

"Oh, I'll get you back." Two-Bit threatened jokingly.

"I'll just pull your hair again." I replied with a mischevious grin.


	6. Chapter Six: The Skirt and Detention

(Monday morning)

"I'm not gonna do it!" I shouted at my dad.

"Yes you are!" he shouted back.

"No!"

"It's not gonna kill you!"

"Yes it will! See I'm dead!" I said falling onto my bed and letting my tongue fall out of my mouth like in the cartoons.

"You're not dead Jackson."

"I will be if I wear a skirt!"

"Well you're not wearing pants!"

"Then I'll go in my underwear."

"No you won't."

"FINE!" I stormed past him, snatching the denim skirt out of his hand, ripping a shirt out of my closest and stomping into the bathroom. After I was dressed and walked out of the bathroom I ran smack into my brother Chancey who was thrown into a fit of laughter at my attire. I popped him the finger and went downstairs to get my shoes on. Our dad was driving us to school that day because it was his day off.

When I got out of the car I tried to ignore the snickers and act like nothing was wrong. Basically I was trying to ignore the skirt. "OH MY GOD SHE'S IN A SKIRT!" Two Bit screamed when he saw me.

I scowled at him. "Aww how cute." Ponyboy teased.

I glared at him, "alright that's it, I'm ripping your dick off and shoving it up your ass!" I shouted throwing my book bag at Soda and chasing him down the hallway. He was too fast for me though, but when he stopped I cuffed him alongside his head, "track asshole!" I spat at him good-naturedly and walked over to Soda and got my book bag from him. Two Bit was dying from laughter and Soda was pale and gasping for breath because my book bag had gotten him in the stomach pretty well. "Sorry Soda." I say quietly, patting the back of his head.

"No problem, I'll live." He gasped, some of his color was returning and he grinned slightly, "I think you should try out for baseball or something, you've got one hell of an Arm." He joked.

"Nah, I think I'll pass."

"I think she'd be better at track...she's wicked fast." Pony said, after getting the guts to finally return. "She was right on my ass."

"Once again, I'm gonna pass." I said quietly. I went to my locker and got my stuff for homeroom. I had English next...fun.

The announcements came on just as I took my seat and once again I refused to stand up for the pledge. The bell rang and I took off for English. I saw Johnny sitting in the back row and I took my seat beside him. I ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook and scribbled down. _Sorry about Friday. _And passed it to him.

He read it and took out his pen, wrote something down and passed it back to me. it read: _what are you sorry about?_

I felt my cheeks getting hot and wrote: _the kiss._

He read this and blushed a little. _Why are you sorry? It wasn't bad or anything._

I smiled a little. _I don't know why I'm sorry I just met you though..._ I wrote down.

**(Johnny's P.O.V)**

_I don't know why I'm sorry I just met you though..._

I nodded to myself and wrote down on the paper; _yeah I know what you mean. I was more surprised than anything at it. Umm, I like you though; you and your friends are cool._ I passed it to her and watched as she read it. Her grin got bigger when she read it and wrote something down on the paper and passed it to me.

I like you too, so do the guys. Wanna hang out tonight at my house? We rented 'House of 1000 Corpses'. 

My heart jumped; not only because of her but also because of 'House of 1000 Corpses' I'd wanted to see that movie for a while. _Sure!_ I wrote down and passed it to her.

"Ms. Ramey, what are you hiding?" Mrs. Pratt shouted at her.

Jackson blushed. "A note ma'am." She replied coolly.

"Well would you mind explaining to the class what was so important that it couldn't wait until the end of class between you and Mr. Cade?" she scolded.

Jack grinned, "sure." She stood up and held the note firmly in her hand. "It says..." she cleared her throat, "Hey, did you like the bands Saturday? Yeah they were cool. Cool I knew you would like them. Do you like Rob Zombie? Yeah he's pretty cool. Well we just rented House of 1000 Corpses, want to come over and hang out and watch it? Sure...and that concludes the events of my life, if you don't mind I'd like to sit down now, Band Night didn't agree with me and my poor leg is mangled." She said.

I was shocked. "Quick thinking!" I muttered under my breath to her.

"I do what I can." She replied quickly.

"Why are you wearing a skirt?" I whispered again.

"My dad." Was all she said before Mrs. Pratt shot another glare in back toward us. Jackson grinned cheesily and moved her eyes to the board up front. "Sorry...I'll be a scholar now." She said.

"Go to the office Jackson, I don't have time to deal with you today." Mrs. Pratt snapped.

Jackson rolled her eyes and stood up, "gladly!"

**(Jackson's P.O.V)**

I sauntered out of the room calmly and made my way to the office and sat down to wait to be called in. when I was called in I walked into our principal's office sat back in the chair and placed my hands in my lap.

"Ahh Miss Ramey, so happy to see you!" the principal said with mock cheerfulness.

"Likewise." I replied.

"Mrs. Pratt has called me and told me what was going on and she's asked I serve you with detention." She explained sternly, "That's what? Sixty-three this year? What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Uhh go me?" I offered, holding back laughter.

She glared at me angrily, "that is not funny!" she snapped.

"No it's not...it's hilarious!"

"And it's a weeks' detention."

My jaw dropped, "for _what_!?"

"The attitude." She answered smugly, "if you can't do the time don't to the crime. I won't tolerate you students mouthing off to me."

"Whatever, can I have my detention slips now so I can go back to class?" I asked, brushing my bangs out of my face.

She reached into her desk, pulled out five detention slips out and wrote down the information needed on each of them, handed them to me and gave me a pass for class.

I snatched the pass and detention slips from her hand and left. When I walked into the room I placed the pass on Mrs. Pratt's desk and walked to my seat, swinging my detention slips in my hand. Johnny snorted with laughter and I grinned and took my seat.

The bell rang and I sprang up to go to my next class thinking _the gang is not going to be happy about this..._


	7. Chapter Seven: My Fault

**Ok, sorry it took so long, but there's been a lot going on. Right here is the reason this chapter is rated R so brace yourself.**

The second I got home from school I ran into my room, grabbed a pair of jeans, took off my skirt and put my jeans on. I felt a lot better knowing that I was out of that damn thing. I was going to be home alone because my brother and his girlfriend were going to the movies and my sister was over at a friend's house studying while my father spent the night at his mom's. I spent this time to lounge around on the couch and relax, watch some TV. And listen to music.

There was a knock at the door and I hopped up to answer it, it was Elroy, one of my brother's friends, I rolled my eyes, "dude, Chancey's not here, he's with Chantal at the movies." I said moodily.

"When's he gonna be back?"

I snorted and shrugged, "fuck if I know! I don't really care either, it's giving me a break!" I retorted.

"Well can I at least come in here and hang, to wait for him?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes and pulled the door open further so he could enter. Once he did I closed it and resumed my place on the couch. Elroy sat down on the loveseat, "you know, you'd be really pretty if your hair wasn't so tweaked out." He said quietly, "What's your natural hair color anyway?"

I took a drink from my can of soda, "blonde."

"Someone once told me a blonde is a redhead with the fire fucked out of her." He said smoothly.

I stared at him as though he were stupid, "you're blonde." I retorted he blushed. I stood up, switched off my music and went upstairs to go to my room.

Before I closed the door I felt someone grab a hold of my arm roughly. They whirled me around and there was Elroy. He pushed me lightly against a wall and his hands moved to my ass, he forced a bruising kiss on me. I pushed him away, "dude, what the fuck!" I shouted angrily. He grabbed a hold of my wrists and pinned them to the wall above me and kissed me again. I bucked against him trying to get him off of me but it didn't work. He pulled back and punched my in the face-hard.

He pried me from the doorway and pushed me into my room and onto my bed. "No," I whimpered weakly.

He was undoing his belt, "if you scream I'll kill you." He warned and held the belt against my throat, pressing down so I could barely breathe. I would be wearing high-necked shirts for a while. He began undoing his pants, letting them fall. I tried to crawl away but he pinned me to my bed, hit me again and began working at my pajama pants, struggling to get them down. I struggled, kicking my feet and thrashing around wildly.

Once he got my pants down he climbed on top of me, I smelled the whiskey on his breath and kissed me as he forced himself into me I turned my head away only to receive another blow to the side of the head. I whimpered and tears streamed down my face. A quick, sharp bolt of pain seized my body and paralyzed me. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen! He started thrusting violently; I felt as though I were being ripped in two, my entire body ached.

"Please stop." I sobbed, "I don't want to do this!"

He kept going, "you know you want it, so just shut up and go with it…just feel it." He hissed in my ear and kissed my neck. It hurt so badly. He applied more pressure on my wrists and I felt them bruising, he stopped for a moment to bind my wrists together so he could keep my thighs spread apart. "Just go with this, you're so tight!" he exclaimed as he pushed further.

_Help me please!_ I thought viciously as pain ripped through my body. _Someone please just come home! _I begged silently. I'd found a way to separate myself from my body so it wasn't me that was experiencing it. "Oh God." He groaned.

I felt more tears slide down my cheeks and tried to twist my wrists out of his hands but it was no use. He smashed his lips on mine, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I wanted to bit down until it snapped off but I knew how strong he was and it wouldn't be difficult for him to kill me.

Finally, he stopped and got off of me. "So how was it?" he asked as he pulled up his pants.

I curled up into the fetal position and cried. Without another thought, he left me there. I heard him leave the house and that's when I ran for the shower. I stripped off the rest of my clothes, whimpering at every move I made. Blood was running down my leg from him being so violent and I turned on the shower.

The heat of the water was just hot enough to torture prisoners of war or sterilize medical instruments but I didn't care. My skin turned beat red as soon as the water hit my skin. I felt so dirty…so low. I was so ashamed of myself. I hadn't fought hard enough, I should have screamed, scratched, anything to get that fucker off of me. I was in pain and it hurt when I sit down.

I put soap on a washrag and started scrubbing at my skin until it peeled. I wanted him off of me and I could feel him squirming all over my body. I could _taste_ his breath and _feel_ him hovering over me and _smell_ his cologne and the whiskey that he'd been drinking and I wanted it all off of me as soon as possible. Pain shot through my body every time I moved but I kept scrubbing at my body, desperate to rid myself of Elroy.

I punched my wall angrily, why hadn't I fought back or done something to stop him?! I was angry, embarrassed and afraid.

_No one can know._ I thought desperately. I'd decided to bury it deep down and keep it a secret, just live with it and grow out of it. As soon as I got out of the shower I put on my robe, and ran into my room to get clean clothes. I came back in the bathroom and got dressed painfully, sobs racking my body. I turned to the sink and grabbed my toothbrush; I loaded the bristles with toothpaste and began scrubbing at my teeth to get his taste out of my mouth. I scrubbed and scrubbed until my gums were bleeding and my tongue was raw.

After I felt clean enough to leave the house I picked up my clothes and grabbed a lighter and lighter fluid on the way out, I left through the backdoor, placing my clothes in our fire pit. I doused them with lighter fluid and made a trail, I bent down and flicked my lighter on, holding it down to the beginning of the trail, igniting it and sending flames shoot down the flammable path, setting my clothes on fire.

I went back into the house and picked up my bedding, which had a large spot that was covered in blood from where IT happened. I knew we had extra sheets in a cupboard so I burned my sheet also. I washed my blanket vigorously and threw it in the dryer. I tasted his breath again and ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I didn't stop until my gums ached and bled again.

"Jackson?" I yelped and turned around to see Jenna, "what's wrong honey?" she asked quietly.

I shrugged. "Nothing, just my breath smelled really bad so I came in to brush my teeth." I lied. I was such a good liar it scared me.

"Alright, you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah- I said I'm fine!" I snapped angrily, slamming my toothbrush onto the edge of the sink.

"Ok, Jesus, no need to bite my head off for caring!" she retorted. I glared at her and she glared at me, both of us shooting daggers through our eyes.

"What are you doing home anyway? I thought you were studying."

"McKenzie's boyfriend came over and things got a little X-rated so I left." She snapped, "Why do you care?"

"Because you're my sister." I snapped. She turned on her heel and stormed out of the bathroom.

I looked into the mirror I was pathetic, worthless. _My fault. _I thought sadly and the tears that were sneaking down my cheeks were laughing at me. _My fault._ It echoed through my head like it would echo through a cave. I took a shaky breath, "my fault." I muttered aloud.

I left to clean up my room; I needed to get the rest of the filth out of it. I needed to get the rest of the filth out of ME.


	8. Chapter Eight: 3 Days Later

(Ponyboy's P.O.V-3 days later)

"I'm bored." Soda complained as we watched Spongebob.

"Then do something." I retorted, "go call Steve or Sandy or someone."

"I know!" Soda shouted; I jumped, "let's go see Jack and Johnny."

I shrugged, "ok." We hollered to Darry telling him we were going to get Johnny and Jackson. He told us to hurry because he had to leave for work in thirty minutes.

We stopped at Johnny's house first, he and Jackson started going out the day before. I walked up to the porch and rang the doorbell, a woman who looked a lot like Johnny answered, "yes?" she said quietly.

"Uhh, is Johnny here?" I asked awkwardly.

She shut the door, "Jonathon!" she barked, "there's someone at the door for you!" she shouted a couple seconds later, she sounded as cold as he eyes looked.

A few seconds later, Johnny showed up at the door with a split lip and a bruise on his cheek. "Hey Pon." He said almost inaudibly.

"What happened?"

He laughed uncomfortably and whispered, "fuckin' jocks."

Something wasn't right but I shrugged, "we're gonna go get Jack and go to my house, wanna come?" I asked, bouncing slightly. He nodded and grabbed a hoodie.

We jumped into the car and took off toward Jackson's house. We could hear the bass and drums from her music in the car over _our_ radio and I wondered why her neighbors hadn't filed a noise complaint.

Otep's song "Filthee" was playing. It gave me a headache, Johnny however seemed to like it, he bobbed his head up and down with the drums slightly. We were aloud to just walk into each other's houses, its been that way since I could remember.

"C'mon Jack, lemme in!" Jenna shouted, banging on her door.

"What's up?" Soda asked curiously.

Jenna shrugged, "she's done nothing but play that damn song for the last three days, she won't talk to anyone but you guys and she's not sleeping!" she explained frustrated.

Soda turned the knob on her door and we saw her sitting at her desk chair, her knees hugged to her chest, her head bobbing up and down to the beat, singing the words to the song.

"Hey Jack." I said quietly as I turned the music down.

Her eyes darted around the room before finally landing on us, "hey." She replied.

"Wanna come to our house? We haven't seen you much this week and we've got food." Soda said, taking a step toward her, looking apprehensive. She looked depressed-not depressed, but angry.

(Jackson's P.O.V)

_Act normal!_ I told myself. I hopped up and clapped my hands together, plastering a fake smile on my face. _They can't know._ I walked up to Johnny and gave him a quick peck on the lips. _They can't know._ I laced my fingers in his.

"Sure." I said quietly, cutting off my music. I played Otep's "Filthee" because that's exactly what I was feeling, filthy. _Filthy-they can't know-my fault. _These thoughts had echoed through my mind since Monday when IT happened. It was now Friday. I had lived in fear and pain for four days.

We left my house and jumped into the car, "what's wrong?" Johnny asked me quietly.

I shrugged, gently kissed the bruise on his cheek and nestled my head in the crook of his neck. "Just tired, what happened to you? Someone really beat the hell out of you." I replied. _They can't know-dirty-filthy-my fault. _

"Jocks, no big. It's not as bad as it looks" he said into my hair.

"Hmmm, ok." I sighed. I felt safe when I was with the guys, they would never hurt me. I shuddered.

"You ok?" Johnny asked, feeling me shudder against him.

I shook my head, "nothin.'"

We pulled into the driveway of the Curtis's house and climbed out of the truck. "Darry!" Soda called as we entered the house, "the cars free!"

"Ok!" Darry hollered back from his room, he exited, took one look at Johnny and I. Johnny with his bruised face and me with my bruised face, paler that clean snow with shadows under my eyes. "What happened to you guys?" he asked, eyeing us carefully.

"Jocks," Johnny said, sounding slightly irritated at having to repeat himself.

"Insomnia and mosh pits don't look well when mixed together." I yawned. I plopped down on the couch and my eyes shut immediately. I was out of my house and safe. I could finally sleep.

(Johnny's P.O.V)

I was worried about Jack. She was really spacey and looked horrible. After she fell asleep it didn't take long until she was snoring lightly. Her breathing evened and she looked about four years younger, I suddenly felt bad about lying about who beat me up.

About twenty minutes after Jack fell asleep she started twitching and whimpering, crying in her sleep and finally screaming and thrashing around violently.

"Help me!" she screamed in her sleep, "not again, please no!"

"Jack?" Soda said gently, shaking her slightly. Her eyes shot open and she edged away from him, her eyes darting around the room. She was terrified.

Soda reached his arm out to touch her but she inched away, "don't touch me." She whimpered and took a shaky breath.

"Jack what's wrong?" Pony asked, he was paled and looked how I felt. "Are you ok?"

She cleared her throat and wiped away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks, I wanted to hug her and comfort her but she wouldn't let anyone touch her so it was virtually impossible.

"I'm fine." She whispered, "just a bad dream, a really bad dream." She told us, another tear slid down her cheek. "Oh shit!" she practically screamed, shooting up and running into the bathroom. We heard her throwing up and then the toilet flush. I went in to check on her, she was hunched over the sink, her sleeves rolled up to her elbow, splashing water on her face, her wrists and forearms were covered in bruises.

"What happened?" I asked cautiously.

"I puked, duh." She answered sarcastically.

"I mean your arms."

She shrugged, "nothing, I'm a klutz, ask any of the guys out there and they'll tell you. Chancey and I were playing football." She told me. I thought it was a lie but I wasn't sure. I was the king of dishonestly but she and her brother did horse around a lot so it could've been the truth.

"Want a smoke?" I asked her, offering her a cigarette.

She accepted gratefully, lit up, inhaled slowly and exhaled. I could see her relaxing a bit. She rolled her sleeves down and took another drag. We left the bathroom and rejoined everyone in the living room.

"You ok Hun?" Soda asked her.

She nodded, "knew I shouldn't have eaten Jenna's cooking." She joked, "I swear her favorite ingredient is arsenic."

Ponyboy snorted and everyone else smiled, "hey Soda that sounds like you!" he remarked.

Soda popped him the finger and the rest of us laughed. It was true the boy couldn't cook. "So what was your bad dream about?" he asked curiously.

She took a deep breath, "it's hard to explain really, all I know is I got stabbed." She answered lightly.

"Wow, that would suck." This came from Two-Bit who had just walked in while we were in the bathroom. Jackson laughed, but her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Yeah it did. So what happened this week Dahlinks?" she asked, changing the subject uncomfortably.

"Same shit, different day." Came from Ponyboy.

(Soda's P.O.V)

There was something really wrong with Jack she was really different. She was usually joking around with Two-Bit and playing cards, but today she just sat down and said hardly a whole sentence at a time.

"Do you think it would be cool with Darry if I crashed here on the couch for a couple nights?" she asked quietly, making sure to pronounce every syllable correctly.

I shrugged, "I don't think he would care, I mean it's not a school night so he shouldn't have a problem with it."

I studied her face carefully, something was really wrong with her, her eyes were bleary and she looked like she would cry at any second. Her face was swollen and worn and bruised. She had worry wrinkles on her forehead that weren't there four days before. She was paler than usual with dark, gray shadows under her eyes. Her hair was all over the place but the rest of her was extremely clean. Her skin was red and flaking from what looked like a bad sunburn but…Jack was never in the sun long enough to get sunburn. She was wearing jeans that would fit half the gang in the, and her long sleeve shirt underneath the short sleeved, humungous, button up shirt that I'd gotten for her at the DX. Something was defiantly wrong with her.


	9. Chapter Nine: Confessions

(Still Soda's P.O.V)

The next day I heard Jackson throwing up in the bathroom. I got out of my bed and made my way to the bathroom. I held her hair back, rubbing her back while she threw up to let her know she was ok.

She leaned back against me lifelessly, "I fucking hate this." She groaned.

"I would too, you've been puking since Tuesday, shouldn't you be better by now?" I asked, handing her a wad of toilet paper to wipe her mouth with.

"That's just it, I'm not sick anymore- Uhh," she groaned, leaned forward and heaved. I held her hair out of the way and rubbed her back again.

"It's ok, shh." I whispered as she puked, some missing the bowl and landing on the seat. I scrunched my nose up at the smell of it. It reeked.

"Soda?" she said, her head still halfway in the toilet.

"Yeah?"

"Kill me." She demanded, her voice thick with vomit. Her body was shaking violently.

(Jackson's P.O.V)

I cried silently in the bathroom while Soda held my hair and patted my back, whispering soothing things. I don't think he knew I was crying.

My throat burned as more bile rose into my throat. My stomach churned, it tasted and smelled horrible. I didn't know how Soda could stand it. It was pretty bad. With one last retch and last bit of puke leaving my stomach, I flushed the toilet, stood up on weak legs and washed my mouth out with water and Listerine Citrus mouthwash.

"Ohh, this sucks." I groaned as I exited the bathroom and lit a cigarette. Darry had already left for work so t was safe. I shuddered. Finally a gut wrenching thought came into my head, "I'm gonna run to the drugstore, I'll be back in a few!" I called, walking out of the house.

I stopped at the local drug store, walked in and bought a home pregnancy test. I walked to my house and took it. It came out positive, my heart sank to my feet and I began to cry. I was going to have a baby and the monster that raped me was the father. Huge sobs surged through my body and I cried for what seemed like an eternity. I threw the pregnancy test in the trash and walked back to the Curtis's. I had to tell someone. Soda, he could help me figure out what to do.

I entered the house, "Soda, I need to talk to you." I said, my voice heavy with tears.

He must have sensed the sadness in my voice because when he looked up at my his eyes were soft and sympathetic, "what's wrong?"

I started sobbing and I sat down on the couch, "Soda, I'm in trouble." I sobbed.

"How? What's going on?" his voice became panicky.

"Soda, I-and-he-now-I'm-" I couldn't find the words. _My fault. _

"What?"

I took a shaky breath, my eyes not leaving the floor, "I need your help." I finally said through my tears.

"With what? I'm freaking out Jack, you never cry like this, what's going on?!" he demanded.

I took a shaky breath, "I think I'm pregnant." I finally said, it was barely a whisper.

His jaw made a thud when it hit the floor he hugged me. More tears were threatening to spill, "Jack-how-what happened?" Soda asked as he patted the back of my head.

"I think you know how it happened, you took Project K.N.O.W" I said with a heavy voice. I wasn't going to tell him about the rape. "Look, I'm gonna go home. I'll see you guys later." I added.

Ponyboy was just coming out of the bathroom dressed. His hair was wet, "we'll walk you home." He said cheerfully, not knowing what happened.

I shrugged, "ok, let's go." Soda, Pony and I started out the door and toward my house. No one said much on the way there. Pony didn't hear what I'd said no more that ten minutes before and I didn't really want him to know.

I saw Elroy's car in the driveway and I wanted to throw up again. My knees felt weak and I leaned on Soda for strength. I shook my head and began walking on my own again.

We entered my house; Elroy and my brother were talking in the living room. To get to my room you had to pass through the living room. I was screwed.

"Hey Jack, I had fun hanging out with you the other night." Elroy said, throwing an arm over my shoulder.

I scooted away, disgusted, "don't you fucking touch me." I snarled, hiding the fear that made me feel like I was going to pass out.

"Jack be nice!" Chancey shouted at me.

I glared at him and stomped to the stairs, which led to my room.

"So I heard you got lucky." Jenna said as I passed her room.

"With who?" I snapped, narrowing my eyes on her.

"According to Elroy, him. Nice choice, he's a good Guy." She informed me.

I snorted and scowled, "he's an asshole." I stated.

"So he's the love 'em and leave 'em type huh?" she asked with a smile.

"I wouldn't know, nothing happened." I replied through clenched teeth.

I heard a door close and the car start up. Soda and Pony were standing behind me, not wanting to miss a word.

"What do you mean?" she asked, "Elroy doesn't lie."

I snorted again, "You might be surprised." I blurted before I could stop myself.

"What the hell are you ta-"

"Nothing." I interrupted, shaking my head. "Nothing." With that I stormed past the guys and go into my room.

Soda was right behind me, "what the hell was that?!" he shouted.

I glared at him, "it was nothing." I said, fighting tears.

"Bullshit! What was it?!"

I felt anger building up in the pit of my stomach, rising up my throat, and pounding into my head. "HE RAPED ME, HAPPY?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?!" I bellowed, slamming my door in his face.

(Ponyboy's P.O.V)

I gasped when I heard Jack; Soda's face had turned a sickly white and his fists clenched as well as his teeth. Jenna walked out of her room, a dumbstruck look on her face. He turned the knob on her door and opened it carefully. We all saw her, sprawled out on her stomach, shaking with tears, her face buried in her pillows.

Soda sat down beside her, he rubbed her back as she cried. I felt tears in my eyes as well, "shh, it's ok, it's ok."

Jack sat up and gave him a disgusted look, "ok? It's ok? It's not ok Soda, NOTHING is ok!" she shouted at him, "why don't you have someone pin you down by your wrists, slap you around for a bit and shove something in you over and over while you're begging them to stop but they don't stop because they're a sick, twisted fucks who get pleasure in putting other people in pain! You do that and _then_ tell me it's ok!"

My. Heart. Stopped. How could this be happening? Why Jack? Why now? _She doesn't deserve this_. I thought _she never deserved this._

Soda took a deep breath "ok Jack. Tomorrow I'll take you to a doctor to see if you're pregnant." He said quietly. "Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you call the cops?"

Her eyes widened in horror, "I couldn't Soda. He'll kill me; I know he can do it. Besides it's too late now." She said, "I just wanna forget about it, please let's just forget it happened!" she begged, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Soda nodded and blinked, a single tear slid down his cheek and he hugged her. I'd been crying since she screamed she'd been raped, how could he just be starting?! "Ok, tomorrow, I'll take you to the doctor and get you checked out. But-what if you're pregnant?"

She shrugged, "if I'm pregnant then I'm pregnant. There's not much I can do about it." She said heavily.

That night, Soda carried Jackson to our house, she only weighed about ninety-nine pounds so she wasn't that heavy. Darry was waiting for us in his recliner; we called him and told him we'd be late.

Soda laid her down on his bed, "I'm gonna take the couch tonight." He said quietly.

"What's wrong?" Darry asked with a worried look on his face.

Soda took a shaky breath, "she was raped." He choked out. He said down on the couch and rubbed his eyes, which were now red and puffy from crying. I was sure mine were the same.

Darry's eyes softened to a baby blue as his face became sad and his fists clenched. "Who did it?" he asked through his teeth.

I cleared my throat, "one of her brother's friends." I said shakily, "Soda's gonna take her to the doc to get checked out 'cause she's afraid she might be pregnant."

Darry shook his head, "keep an eye on her tonight." He said sadly.

"I'm gonna kill him." Soda snarled angrily, "Why her? Why? Why did that sick son of a bitch choose her to do this to!?" he shouted, his anger building. He stood up and punched the wall; there was a hole there, "God Damnit!"

"Soda, stop!" I shouted.

An ear-shattering scream came from Soda's room and mine "STOP", she screamed. Everything stopped; we looked toward the room and saw Jackson curled up in a ball in the far corner. "Please stop," she whimpered. Her hands were grasping the top of her head and she was rocking back and forth.

"Hey Baby Girl." Soda said, using the nickname he'd given her when they were kids. "Hey, calm down, you're safe, you're with us and no one's going to hurt you anymore." He said soothingly.

"My fault." She muttered.

"What's your fault?" Darry asked, eyeing her as though she might break.

"It's all my fault, I didn't fight enough. Didn't scream, my fault." She muttered.

Soda hugged her, then held her out at arms' length, "you listen to me," he said firmly, "none of this is your fault, it's his, it's no one's fault but his. We should be guilty, we weren't there to protect you." He said, holding her chin. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed until she fell back asleep. Soda leaned against the wall, still allowing her to whimper and cry onto his chest ever in her sleep. He stroked her hair and whispered to her softly, as soon as she relaxed, she was out for the night.


	10. Chapter Ten: The Doctor

(Soda's P.O.V)

The next morning I woke up all stiff because I slept sitting up. Jack was still clutching onto me in her sleep. I yawned and tired to get up without waking her, which I failed miserably at. Her eyes opened, she rubbed them and stretched.

"Mornin'" she muttered.

I yawned in response, that's when I noticed her turning a little green, "oh shit are you gonna puke?" I asked alarmed.

"Mm hm!" she grunted, I never saw her move so fast in my life, before I even had a chance to breathe she was slamming the bathroom door shut. I heard her throwing up. I got up and went to hold her hair back when I saw that Darry had beat me to it.

"I really need to take her to a doctor." I said quietly as I watched her retch and listening to her gag. Darry's nose was scrunched up in disgust, probably from the smell.

"Yeah." He grunted, "I gotta get ready for work." He added, holding his breath. Another gagging sound was heard from Jack. It interrupted the silence between us, Darry looked at her sadly; it wasn't hard to tell that he felt sorry for her.

She leaned back against the wall, her face tired and worn; she looked up at me, "can I go to the doctor now?" she asked quietly, more of a groan than anything.

I looked up at Darry pleadingly, he sighed, "I'll call in late."

Jack took a shower and I hopped in after her. I studied her behavior, her breathing was controlled, almost as controlled as her movements, which was stiff and precise as though she were in the army. Her blue eyes were cold stone but at the same time, full of sorrow. I don't know how she was hanging on like she was. If I was her I would be dead inside. But who's to say she wasn't?

"I'm ready." She said monotonously.

"Nervous?"

"Petrified."

I laughed awkwardly, "So we're going to your-uh-gyno right?" I asked.

"Yeah." She replied. She looked up at me with sheer terror in her eyes.

(Pony's P.O.V)

I decided that I would go with Jackson and Soda for extra moral support. We sat in the truck, driving in complete silence. Nervousness ringing throughout the entire space. I chewed on my nails anxiously.

"You ok Pon?" Jack asked me.

I looked up at her, she had an uncomfortable, but gentle grin on her face and she cocked an eyebrow at me, "yeah just a little nervous." I replied shakily.

She smiled, "yeah, I know the feeling." She said quietly, and then took a deep breath, "I don't know if I can do this." She added uneasily.

I rubbed her arm comfortingly, "it'll be ok, no matter what happens you can always say Johnny's the father and pray he looks like you." I joked, trying to make her laugh.

She did. Mission accomplished, "yeah, I'm sure he'd like that." She said with a smile that just barely reached her eyes. "Or I'm sure Soda wouldn't mind if I said he was the father, hopefully the baby will have some of his good looks." She added. Now she wasn't serious about that because all of the guys were like her big brothers, well, for me little brother. So generally there was nothing romantic between any of us.

I saw Soda's cheeks flush; he was modest about his looks. But he practically had to beat girls off with sticks whenever he left the house. "I think you should stick with Johnny, if you said me the first thing people would probably think was incest." He joked.

She laughed, "don't ever change you guys." She told us, "if you do I'll die."

I shook my head, "nah, you'll just get used to the change like you always have."

She shook her head, "no I mean if you guys ever change who you are…I'll die. There's so many things about you that are perfect already. If you were to change something just wouldn't be right. We've been through so much together, it wouldn't be right if you changed now. I've never told any of you this but…if you weren't here for me I'd probably be dead." She said and wiped away a tear.

I put my arm around her shoulder and rubbed her upper arm, "it'll be ok." I said quietly.

She was shaking pretty badly, "I wish I was as sure as you are." She said quietly. Her voice was filled with tears.

I hated to see her cry; Soda rubbed his eye, "we're almost there." He said, changing the subject.

(Jackson's P.O.V)

I was never so happy to have friends like the ones that I had until I really needed them.

We pulled into the driveway of my gyno, I got out of the car on shaky knees and Soda and Pony followed me, not really sure where they were going.

I walked up to the from desk and cleared my throat to get the nurse's attention, she looked up and smiled, "hello, how are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm Jackson Ramey, I called yesterday for a pregnancy test." I said clearly.

The woman looked at the appointment sheep, "ok, well why don't you just have a seat and I'll call for you when the doctor is ready." She said. I nodded my head and sat down between Pony and Soda. I was terrified.

After about five minutes I was called into a room, Soda and Pony had to stay in the waiting room so I was left all along. I got situated in the room and had to wait for the doctor to show up, which he did in about another five minutes.

"Hello Jackson." She said, "Alright so you're here for a pregnancy test I'm told?" she added.

I nodded, "yeah."

She looked at me disappointedly, "who's the father?"

"The one in the waiting room with brown eyes." I lied.

"So have you been experiencing any nausea, headaches, moodiness or back pain?" she asked, putting her gloves on as I situated my feet in the stirrups."

"All of the above." I groan, closing my eyes.

"How long ago did you have sex?"

"Six days." I told her. "this is also-well, my dad doesn't know so could this stay-"

"I understand, I got pregnant around your age, you don't want him to know unless it's obvious." She interrupted, not even looking up at me.

"Yeah, that pretty much puts it in a nutshell." I said quietly.

"Well, there's something in there." She said, "what I want you to do is pee in this cup and we'll run it through some teats and that should tell us whether or not you're pregnant." She instructed.

I took the specimen cup from her and went into the bathroom after I put my clothes back on. I peed in the cup and took it back to her. I remember thinking how I'd hate to be the guy that analyzed that stuff.

I waited in the room for twenty minutes. Twenty _agonizing_ minutes, waiting for the results to come back. After she finally returned with a sheet of paper, she handed it to me and it might as well have been written in gibberish. I have her a questioning look.

"It came out positive, what're you gonna name it?"

I felt like I was going to faint. So many emotions were running through my body, anger, sadness, fear, hatred, joy and excitement. I nodded and walked numbly out of the room.

"Well?" Soda asked nervously.

I looked at him and Ponyboy, "It's positive, Soda, what am I going to do?" I sobbed, fearing I was going to start crying in the middle of the clinic. "How am I going to tell my dad? What's gonna happen to me?"

Soda stared at me, "you're going to have a baby, maybe you could tell him over a game of charades, and you're going to get really fat." Soda explained, smiling a little bit.

I clung onto his arm, "I'm scared." Then took a deep breath, "let's go, we've got to tell everyone and Darry still has to work." I said finally and we left.

I cried on the way back. I scared Soda and Pony a little bit, they probably thought I was having and emotional breakdown or something.

"Why are you so afraid?" Pony finally asked.

I looked up at him, "because it's gonna hurt like a bitch, my dad is going to kill me and I've read Bill Cosby's book "Fatherhood' ok? It's a fucking scary thing!" I snapped, still crying. "Plus I don't think I'll be a very good mom, I don't want my kid ending up as fucked up as I am."

Soda laughed gently, "you're not fucked up, your kids won't be fucked up, you'll be an awesome mom. Shit, think of it this way, you'll be a M.I.L.F!"

I laughed, "yeah I s'pose that's a good thing." I said, "I've got nine months man." I added.

"Yeah I know."

"I've gotta tell Johnny too."

"Yep."

"I just don't want him to know what happened. I just…don't know." I said,

"It'll be ok I promise." Soda said, shifting gears, "Johnny's a good guy, I'm sure he'll understand."

"Yeah, but-what about my dad?" I said quietly, staring out the window, squinting my eyes from the sun.

"If it helps, I'll go with you to tell him." Soda said, "you shouldn't have to go through this alone, and your dad- well, he's not exactly all there." He added.

I wiped my eyes, "thanks Soda." I said, "I appreciate it." I wiped away another tear and stomped my floor, "fucking hormones!"

"Hey, how do you make a hormone?" Soda asked, a smile sneaking on his face.

I shrugged, "I dunno, how?"

"Don't pay her."

I burst into laughter. Ponyboy looked at me in awe, "you're gonna be scary while you're pregnant aren't you?" he asked.

"Fuck if I know I've never been pregnant before!" I snapped, annoyed all of a sudden.

Soda groaned, "this is going to be fun."

I lit a cigarette and Pony made a movement to take it away from me, "touch the smoke and you'll pull back a bloody stub." I threatened darkly. He pulled his arm back and I smoked my cigarette.


End file.
